'It is the part of a great mind to despise wrongs done to it; the most contemptuous form of revenge is not to deem one's adversary worth taking vengeance upon. Many have taken small injuries much more seriously to heart than they need, by revenging them: that man is great and noble who like a large wild animal hears unmoved the tiny curs that bark at him.' - Seneca
A really odd thing happened to me this week but to tell you about it, I have to go back a few weeks. September was an incredibly tough month for me, not only did I need to cancel a really important trip to see my family but I also had to deal with a lot of changes that shook the core of my foundation. To deal with it and against my therapists' advice, I started purchasing clothes through a live seller on TikTok.

What I thought would be a fun hobby turned into a mini disaster because a) I do not have a public facing TikTok account and b) I really didn't want to be involved in any social media drama. To cut the long story short, the package did not arrive and when I asked for a refund, the seller threatened to fight and expose me on TikTok instead of simply settling the matter like any other business in the US, even Amazon refunds my package when I don't get it in time. Upon further research, I have come to know that this seller has been flagged for doing this repeatedly to innocent customers. I was just fortunate enough to have had users call her out until I finally got the refund. What I did not realize is that in the dark underbelly of this app were groups of people who spent 24/7 mudslinging and fighting on the said app and unfortunately, a lot of the ones I encountered were our fellow kababayans.
As a recovering people pleaser, I was left in a state of panic. Is she going to expose my name and photos on TikTok for her audience to feast upon? (She did, my name at least) Will it ruin my reputation as a journalist? Will it affect my family? For over 48 hours, I was left in a state of distress because not only was I threatened after asking for something that was rightfully mine (a refund for a product that never arrived) but also because after the last four years, the last thing I needed was mudslinging and unnecessary drama and stress.
I pondered on the situation deeply and realized an old adage, hurt people hurt people. I realized that loneliness is a true epidemic not just where I am located at the moment but everywhere around the world, the reason people turn to social media is because it creates a community. An easy to find and facilitate friendships without actually spending time with them in person. Parasocial relationships can be healthy but it can also be damaging because when we meet someone through social media, we see them as avatars instead of real, actually complex people.
Social media, despite its ability to broaden our world view, also has the tendency to minimize our view of the world. We start thinking like we're mini celebrities just because we have a few thousand followers / viewers without realizing that there is a world beyond social media and in as much as 1,000 people have seen my story and/or post, about 10,000 did not. I made the mistake of thinking that a small community in one part of the internet cared about me and the truth is, why did it even matter? I was so scared of being lambasted for standing up for myself as a customer that I realized that at the end of the day, it truly doesn't matter.
When social media becomes our whole world, we forget that this is not real life nor is it a replacement for real, healthy, and thriving relationships. When we spend all our time on the app pursuing negativity, it consumes us without us realizing it. It makes us forget that likers and followers will never make a crooked value system right, we simply forget how it is to be a human being because we spend too much time with machines. It makes us forget that the real value of life is outside of an app created to make us addicted.
We forget about the bliss of real relationships and thriving friendships. We forget what it's like to be outside of TikTok trend or be our own person because the app has replaced real human connection. It blurs the lines because in its dark underbelly, everything is accepted.
Best believe I deleted the app and this is coming from someone who has loved social media since it started. Instead, I spent time reading up on Stoicism and catching up on Only Murders in the Building. I also took the time to be with my son, connect with real friends, and remember that at the end of the day, none of this matters.