One of my favorite Valentine's Day memories is that of my father patiently waiting for the flower vendor to arrive near our school so he could buy a single rose for his sullen teenage daughter.

Of course, behind my 'distaste' for the holiday (influenced mainly by the fact that I never got a single rose ever) I was delighted over the sweet gesture – it reminded me that I was loved as I am and that love can be expressed in numerous ways through many different love languages.

I carried this memory with me into young adulthood and even now as a young mother and wife. It has been years since those days of my dad buying me flowers but the memories continue to stay with me and make me smile despite the many miles now between us.

Love is a funny thing is it. On one end of the spectrum, love is the many grand things – grand gestures on social media, lavish gifts, and flash mobs (this definitely shows my age) and on the other hand, love can also be long suffering and quiet. A steady ebb in a world full of change. Love comes in many forms — through our passions, our family whether blood related or chosen, our pets, and for the lucky ones, even our jobs.

However, a love that is not discussed or at least doesn't come to the forefront is the love that we have for ourselves. Growing up, all of us have been bombarded by opposite messages on self-love. For the first half of our younger years, we are told to sacrifice, to put ourselves last, and to not be extravagant in how we loved ourselves. However, the movement towards self-esteem changed in the early 00s encouraging all of us to put ourselves first. It can be highly confusing especially if the message is soon inundated with different messaging that stemmed out of religion, culture, personal bias etc.

At the end of the day, at least for me, loving one's self means being compassionate with ourselves. My therapist says it in a simple and straightforward manner – be gracious with yourself, even when you make mistakes. Somehow in between the self-sacrifice message of the early 90s and the love your self-empowerment message as of late, we all forgot that we can still love ourselves even if we've made mistakes or did not make the best choices. We think that we are only deserving of love when all is well and easy but that is not the case at all.

Love is most needed when we think we don't deserve it. It's the beacon of light that gets us through the valleys of life, love is the quiet reminder that we are deserving even when we're not our best selves. It is loving the inner child inside of you and telling them that yes, they do matter and they are worthy. It's time for us to stop being at war with ourselves and we can get there even if our external circumstances are imperfect. In fact, this is when we need to believe this the most.

The funny thing is once we learn to love ourselves with this compassion, it ultimately improves how we love others as well. When we give ourselves grace, we inadvertently share it with others as well. That is just the beauty of pure, undiluted self-love and I hope during this month of hearts, you find it within yourself to be compassionate and gracious with YOU because you do deserve without question.