As I write this, it is with tearstained eyes and a triumphant grin. I just came from my weekly therapy session and I would be inauthentic if I didn't tell you that the precious minutes with my therapist are often a rollercoaster ride.

It often starts off slow then takes me on a high before finally stabilizing my mood because finally I have untangled the feelings that have weaved into cobwebs in my head. A significant thought my therapist used to challenge my pattern of unhealthy thinking was a simple, 'was it you that was bad to them or were you just being good to yourself?'

It made me stop because my entire life I have been taught to draw within the lines, to always have my skirts two inches below the knee (never longer than that according to my grade school principal), and to never kiss boys until you're 30. I've been told to be a good girl my entire life and yet despite all my best efforts, I still came up short. I even told my therapist one of the reasons I went to therapy was so that specific people in my life can finally deem me 'clean' enough to deserve the love that I should have been given unconditionally in the first place. I told her this with tears in my eyes but now as I type this, I type it with glee because it relates so much to another therapeutic experience I had recently.

I was on my bike working through one of Kendall's Toole's Peloton classes when she played the TikTok favorite 'Anti-Hero' by Taylor Swift and despite being a diehard Swiftie since 2009, this song zoomed above my head without much notice until I heard it in her class.

Kendall, being the doll that she is, honed in on the lyrics, 'It's me, hi! I'm the problem, it's me, at teamtime everybody agrees' and finally, despite it being overplayed across all social media, I got it. I finally realized that I might as well be the anti-hero of my own life and you know what, it is okay. The talk with my therapist, along with Kendall's class that day, empowered me to put myself first, and to not be ashamed to put up boundaries that would protect me, finally.

My choices as of late have encouraged me to put my needs and my family's needs first and while many people have spent hours and hours criticizing my ability to say 'no' and call out what's wrong, I am no longer second guessing myself. Don't get me wrong, I have set boundaries before but I would always choke for the lack of a better term because I always cared so much to be seen as the 'good' girl and the 'hero' but now I am unafraid to stand up for what I believe is right while ultimately protecting myself and the ones I love.

I share this with you today because you too might also be stuck in a place where you cannot speak out for yourself because you are afraid of the repercussions and what's said about you when tea is served but in all honesty, who cares? When people see your no as a threat rather than a strength then those people are not your people anyway and even if you have to walk alone until you find your own tribe, it is worth it.

Don't be like who I was once – so enveloped by the idea of being a good girl that I forgot to take care of myself leading to years of anxiety, depression, and pain. Trust yourself enough to know what is constructive and destructive, take what you can learn from, and leave out the rest. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you think is right and don't allow other people to manipulate you, even if it means being the anti-hero of the story. And honestly, even if you truly are the villain, you still deserve to be loved, we all do.